Searching and Soothing

[tryingsomethingnew]

I keep searching your words

Looking for something new

“I’m so so sorry”

I read it over and over



I want more to read

More to dissect

As if more words would quench this relentless nausea



But it’s not the words I want

I want to make sense of this all

How as I sent you hearts, poems, photos - this is what we were



I want to rent a room and call you over

You’re not allowed to look at me

To speak to me

To touch me



I place you where I want

I speak, you listen

I curl into you — do not hug me back

Let me make my safety



I need to feel safe and not alone

But I don’t want you there

I can’t trust you

Stay still, just be warm and steady and let me smooth myself

[Debo]

Deep subject, when we are done wrong by the one we love. We want them to explain why. We never hear the why and it hurts. Good one.