Ease of burden

[theveganpoet]

Moments are drawn within the light, that creeps under the blanket I hide at night
Innocent and restless, I was never fond of the heaviness, the faint echos that would sneak under the crack of my door
I paid no mind to, no attention grown or over-worn
I slowly grew into new seasons, hours and days
The spark inside of me growing
Everything changed, I’d wake and I’d toss and I’d turn through the seconds
Smelling bleakness and madness and stress and sadness
Feeling new things and old things and realizing it all
The edge that kept me so safe for all of those years, now right off I was beginning to fall
Clinging on to something secure and warm
But feeling tossed and turned, mangled and torn
It is not the shadow that covers me, that scares me so much
But the weight of the ocean that I feel with every touch
While being warned not to feel too little or too much
But being chastised if I dare ever think as such
I can’t be broken but not all together though either
For having my mind on my sleeve makes me one hell of a believer
But I’ve always been naive and the worlds always been too much and the pain has always grown on me and I’ve always felt too stuck
And I sometimes wonder why I’m trying
To take attention off of such
Beauty that foresees me, and makes me look like I’m not much
For I don’t blame the love that sees me for just being a simple human being
Who may be beautiful and lovely but not enough keen
To the idea of being everything it ever needed me to be
To the idea of being everything, everything that isn’t me
I scream and cry and wonder
Late in bed at night, without my covers hovering me slightly, protecting me from fright
I scream and cry and wonder why it’s everyone else that is better than thee
I scream and cry and wonder why none of them ever loved me
I’ve chased after the feeling, followed the breeze and ease
Of feeling so full of happiness, beauty and cute little feelings
Of being so connected and grown on, like the pain that followed me
But instead of pain it’s nothing, no one but thee and me
I’ve crossed fingers and made wishes on silly things not true
Tried to “manifest” some reality where I was seen as sun and moon
Where I’d be looked upon as precious, sensitive and sweet
Rather than a stranger disguised as a ghost hiding under some old dusty sheets
Paid little to no mind to, just the bare minimum, enough to make me wonder, but not ask too many questions
and I wonder sometimes if it’s all one big lesson
That I was the joke all along, and nothing but a bullshit possession
Some pretty little arm piece
But I’m really not though are I?
Hardly being looked at when I lay on the bedside
Internally sore from all the clawing of climbing for something better
But all I’ve found is more heartbreak
And gotten thrown into heavy weather
How much longer dare I wait
To be all that’s ever needed
To be the most beautiful light upon the presence of a foggy winters night
To be the warmth that is pulled over and hovered underneath
TO BE SO MUCH f****** MORE WITHOUT NOT STAYING TRUE TO ME
WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME
WHY DONT THEY LOVE ME
WHY DONT I LOVE ME……
I can’t answer that on my own
But I cry with raging tears as I wonder while walking home alone.
As I listen to the clicks and the clacks of rain falling on window sills
Dreaming wishing and remembering
That one day it’ll all grow still
Till I’m laying down beneath me
Above me I can see
Smiles and tears and laughter
Of others celebrating me
Yet to my demise they weren’t there
When I needed them to be
But of course now that the curtains have drawn
They don’t dare take attention off of me
I’m not there to question
Their caress upon still frame images
Of what once laid an opportunity
To appreciate my presence
But now it’s all a blur
And I’m standing here alone
And I’m crying out loud
In the image of being alone
So I’ll dream and wish and think one day
That’ll I’ll be all they’ll ever need
But shall that day pass slightly by
I’ll grit and grind my teeth
Feeling heaviness in my knees
One step after the other
Of searching for happiness and rose blossoms
Tied within the weather