As I Lay Here

[darkcloud]

Every night I lay here,
I think to myself the darkest of thoughts.
What if I were to die here tonight?
Would anybody really care?
I think to myself,
Those knives in the kitchen,
The pills in the cabinet,
The rope in the garage,
They all seem so good right now.
They all seem so promising.
To think that I could escape this.
To think that I would never have to come back.
This sounds like a gift.
True bliss.
Can it only be achieved in death?
Or is there no such thing?
So I lay here tonight,
Thinking those dark thoughts.
Thinking of every possible way to die this very night.
Silently, so nobody will notice.
Its so elaborate,
Its so real I can feel it,
And imagine it thoroughly.
If I just mixed pills and alcohol,
And slip into darkness,
Or stab myself like I've felt others do to me,
Or maybe hang myself,
Slip into unconsciousness.
As I lay here,
I think,
What if I fell asleep.
Forever.
No alarms waking me up,
No Prince Charming able to beak my slumber.
Would it be a gift?
To sleep and never wake up?
As I lay here.
As I dream here.
Will I wake up to see tomorrow?
Does it matter if I don't?