This is What it Feels Like to Be Me.

[notapoet]

11:00pm Anxiety Attacking.

Mind racing,
Tears flowing,
Heart pounding,
Past mistakes coming,
Future worries filling.
This is what it feels like to be me.

Nobody knowing.
Always acting.
Rarely enjoying.
Endlessly waiting.
Very painstaking.
This is what it feels like to be me.

Always watching.
Never connecting.
Bonds not forming.
Friends not making.
Loneliness remaining.
This is what it feels like to be me.

Frequently disappointing.
Usually avoiding,
Literally hiding.
Not socializing.
So good at lying.
This is what it feels to be me.

Anger is rising.
Objects throwing.
Too much swearing.
Horrible modeling.
Daughter listening.
This is what it feels like to be me.

This is not living.
Merely existing.
Daily praying.
Bible reading.
Others I’m helping, but who will help me?
Hoping. Asking. Needing. God help me.
This is what it feels like to be me.

Don’t worry though.
Not suiciding.
Just deeply venting.
Pressure relieving.
Time killing.
This is what it feels like to be me.
I don’t want to be me. I don’t want my daughter to be me.