I thought that finally I was loved

[mnd1032]

My first and probably last poetic thoughts...just had to write how I felt.


I thought that finally I was loved.
That someone had looked past my false apathy and awkwardness to understand me
Someone that I didn’t have to look perfect for, someone who was happy that I was happy
Someone that loved me for my faults and how they complemented my strengths
Someone who didn’t try to change me but educate and edify

But I was wrong
I am still not pretty enough
Not musical enough
Not spiritual enough
Not nice enough

I am still not the person that can compel a man to try, to Work, to FIGHT for me
Still not worth it
It seems

What more can I change?
I was nicer
I was closer to God
I set loftier goals
Worked harder
Served more
Sang more
Achieved more
And STILL it isn’t enough

Still you lose interest
Still I have to act the fool or initiate contact to interest you

Do I deserve better?
Or is it actually my lot in life to be the worker, the one who fights to be loved?

But if I have to convince you of it…
Is it really there?
To me:
No, it is not

I want you to call me just because
To look at my pictures because you think I am lovely
For you to imagine your life with me in 20. 40, 60 years and know that it will be great
I want you to love me
I want you to hurt inside when you try to imagine life without me as if it were the worst sentence in the world

Love me as your love and friend
Love me as I love you
Love me back
I thought that finally I was loved.

[TKei]

Someone out there loves you. It's a matter of finding them. If you think there is a 'right' person for you, then you have a few billion to check through. Most people aren't privileged with living nearby the love of their life. Go out, find them, and show no fear. Sme of the hardest advice to take.

And always feel free to write how you feel. You are never judged for what anonymous writes.

[mnd1032]

Thanks TKei, great advice!