fallingxroses
still rather new
you were the last good thing about this part of town.
Posts: 25
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Post by fallingxroses on Aug 26, 2004 17:16:40 GMT -5
am i getting the hang of it?  Silently breaking Rip out of her spellbound shell She dances for them. |
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_leash_
not so new anymore
shattered ocean
Posts: 78
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Post by _leash_ on Sept 24, 2004 13:33:21 GMT -5
again, you have the syllables right, but there seems to be something lacking..
the first line doesnt really flow into the second that well.. maybe, "she rips out of her tough shell"?
what are "they"?
this one definitely has potential.
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