Post by Alexia on May 27, 2003 20:22:29 GMT -5
I sit here quietly, speaking to a stranger about my life, my loves, my accomplishments and my defeats. I could have told any one of a thousand people these secrets that lurk deep within the bowels of my soul, yet I chose her. An unknown to me other than someone who chooses to have coffee in one of my many coffee shops on a daily basis.
She listens quietly on the days that I decide to talk with her, without judgement, without comment. Maybe this is why I have chosen her, or maybe it’s the fact that her eyes see deep within my soul. They seem to bypass that which attracts so many others and reaches in to grasp out the reality of what was and of what still is.
Now, as I reflect, I see the accomplishments I’ve attained during my 31 years and try desperately to understand why it is that people see me for what I’ve built and not who I actually am.
How sad that I must be judged by the car I drive, the clothes I wear and the lifestyle I live. Why can they not see beyond these trivial things, into the life that I have lived, the hardships that I have endured to reach these goals that I have set for myself.
The multitudes of women, the abundance of drugs and substances that have invaded my body and my mind, the elaborate lifestyle that I so desperately wanted as a child growing up all came to being. Yet now I sit here and feel no warmth by them, no satisfaction, no completion. I sometimes feel more lost and desperate than I did then, as a child, striving to meet my goals, wants and wishes.
Maybe it’s just that now, after all that has transpired in my short life, I have gained the wisdom and the knowledge to appreciate the simpler more mundane pleasures in life. Not to say that I do not still enjoy my exquisitely furnished penthouse in the cities downtown area, or my expensive new B.M.W. that sits parked outside one of my many cafes or restaurants. And yes I still love to spoil myself with thousand dollar snakeskin boots and five hundred dollar pants, but only because I love the feel of a more quality garment and I can afford it. However, they do not bring me the satisfaction they once did and I now know that it takes more than just these monetary, tangible things to bring one complete happiness and appreciation of ones self.
I realize now that I have a message to give and I hope to do so in these words that are to be put forth. They are a combination of my thoughts, my experiences and my most inner secrets that I have decided to share. Maybe in doing so I will be able to come to terms with all that it is I hold deep within my soul and maybe then I will find the satisfaction I seek, the peace I so long for, the happiness I never knew I missed until just recently.
There is no true forgiveness for what life deals to each individual. There is no understanding for ones greed, ones undying wants that we consider to be absolute needs, yet in reality are nothing more than mere misunderstanding of life itself. How selfish we sometimes become along the different paths we choose to live our lives. We are born with nothing and are quite content with just a few drops of milk and soothing arms around us, yet somewhere along the road to death we learn to become more demanding, more selfish and more inconsiderate to what life truly has to offer.
Alexia
This is a first draft of something I'm working on now....I had a whole lot more down here but decided just to hand in a few paragraphs because I didn't know how much we were allowed to write. Is this a section where we can put short stories....?
She listens quietly on the days that I decide to talk with her, without judgement, without comment. Maybe this is why I have chosen her, or maybe it’s the fact that her eyes see deep within my soul. They seem to bypass that which attracts so many others and reaches in to grasp out the reality of what was and of what still is.
Now, as I reflect, I see the accomplishments I’ve attained during my 31 years and try desperately to understand why it is that people see me for what I’ve built and not who I actually am.
How sad that I must be judged by the car I drive, the clothes I wear and the lifestyle I live. Why can they not see beyond these trivial things, into the life that I have lived, the hardships that I have endured to reach these goals that I have set for myself.
The multitudes of women, the abundance of drugs and substances that have invaded my body and my mind, the elaborate lifestyle that I so desperately wanted as a child growing up all came to being. Yet now I sit here and feel no warmth by them, no satisfaction, no completion. I sometimes feel more lost and desperate than I did then, as a child, striving to meet my goals, wants and wishes.
Maybe it’s just that now, after all that has transpired in my short life, I have gained the wisdom and the knowledge to appreciate the simpler more mundane pleasures in life. Not to say that I do not still enjoy my exquisitely furnished penthouse in the cities downtown area, or my expensive new B.M.W. that sits parked outside one of my many cafes or restaurants. And yes I still love to spoil myself with thousand dollar snakeskin boots and five hundred dollar pants, but only because I love the feel of a more quality garment and I can afford it. However, they do not bring me the satisfaction they once did and I now know that it takes more than just these monetary, tangible things to bring one complete happiness and appreciation of ones self.
I realize now that I have a message to give and I hope to do so in these words that are to be put forth. They are a combination of my thoughts, my experiences and my most inner secrets that I have decided to share. Maybe in doing so I will be able to come to terms with all that it is I hold deep within my soul and maybe then I will find the satisfaction I seek, the peace I so long for, the happiness I never knew I missed until just recently.
There is no true forgiveness for what life deals to each individual. There is no understanding for ones greed, ones undying wants that we consider to be absolute needs, yet in reality are nothing more than mere misunderstanding of life itself. How selfish we sometimes become along the different paths we choose to live our lives. We are born with nothing and are quite content with just a few drops of milk and soothing arms around us, yet somewhere along the road to death we learn to become more demanding, more selfish and more inconsiderate to what life truly has to offer.
Alexia
This is a first draft of something I'm working on now....I had a whole lot more down here but decided just to hand in a few paragraphs because I didn't know how much we were allowed to write. Is this a section where we can put short stories....?