machines

[walzem]

I'm barely alive
Almost dead
Wrapped in machinery
Then lost in the scenery
We're forgotten and abused
Gears and flesh are fused
My veins are simple wires
All thats real is cast to the fires
This life is a tragic waste
All flavor is gone, nothing to taste
These dull grey skies
Can't hide the lies
Wandering in this filth
Witnessing their demise
I'm fighting my machines
I'm keeping myself alive

[walzem]

I really wish you would all reply to this. I really like feedback it helps me shape my experiments into art.

Thanks
Daniel McConnell

[aj]

The first thing that came to mind was someone on life support. Interesting.

[engarde]

You did an outstanding job relaying hopelessness in this piece.

If you are looking for feedback on the structure, I would suggest modifying this verse:

"My veins are simple wires
All thats real is cast to the fires"

It breaks the cadence/flow of your piece.
Nice work!