Post by unburntflame on Jan 2, 2005 6:28:28 GMT -5
That last week seems a blur now. Just before I left - pulling down the suitcase, starting to throw things in, starting to say the goodbyes to friends who I would probably never see again. They were moving to uni while I was away, and we all started living our own lives. Finally growing up and getting over all that adolescent crap that was so hilarious to us at 16.
These days I spend a lot of time thinking about those old mates - the ones who helped me through that last year of school. "What would Ashley say now" or "how would Jess react to that?" often come to mind. But none of that matters. They've moved on. I've moved on. The world keeps turning, hours disappearing among minutes and seconds into lives that passed like mine. I wonder how I ended up like this, sitting in bed at 1.30 in the morning writing about some sad story - yet here I am. The lifeless girl. But that was about to change. That's why I had to leave.
Most people couldn't understand it, but I didn't expect them to. Especially not Adam. "But this is a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity" I would say, and his reply was always "but I love you" - we couldn't have a conversation without its making an appearance. Although I love him fiercely, he is so dependent on me in so many ways. He's going to find it hard when I'm not there. Another reason I had to go.
My hands are starting to go numb with cold. My toes are getting pins and needles too. I can feel how tired my eyes are but I have to keep writing. "When you wake and find me gone..." a letter to Adam begins, with the namesake of my favourite book.
You have to understand why I left...
These days I spend a lot of time thinking about those old mates - the ones who helped me through that last year of school. "What would Ashley say now" or "how would Jess react to that?" often come to mind. But none of that matters. They've moved on. I've moved on. The world keeps turning, hours disappearing among minutes and seconds into lives that passed like mine. I wonder how I ended up like this, sitting in bed at 1.30 in the morning writing about some sad story - yet here I am. The lifeless girl. But that was about to change. That's why I had to leave.
Most people couldn't understand it, but I didn't expect them to. Especially not Adam. "But this is a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity" I would say, and his reply was always "but I love you" - we couldn't have a conversation without its making an appearance. Although I love him fiercely, he is so dependent on me in so many ways. He's going to find it hard when I'm not there. Another reason I had to go.
My hands are starting to go numb with cold. My toes are getting pins and needles too. I can feel how tired my eyes are but I have to keep writing. "When you wake and find me gone..." a letter to Adam begins, with the namesake of my favourite book.
You have to understand why I left...