Glistening Green Eye

[DaringDo]

My first poem:

Glistening Green Eye

The trying tone
of your silent gaze
twilight in your eye
glowing
like the sparkle
of the sky

Harsh wind
screeching metal
rips through the frozen air
like a sword through flesh

fading memory
black as the ice

burning through my body
I cherish the moment

your face lit up
glistening green eye
pierce me
I need you

fading into sleet
the fuselage soars

need you
glistening green eye
sparkle like the sky
the last i saw
as you turned away
never to look me in the eye

cold pulling you away
my love falling from my mind

my last thought
glistening green eye.

[DaringDo]

please post feedback! especially with the flow.

[TKei]

It's very nice. As far as feedback, I'm not sure what sort of feedback you're looking for...
Elements well used: Very nice repetition, and good choice of words. Certainly deep and meaningful.
Suggestions: Since you brought up the flow of it, I think my usual suggestion works well. Few poets write in meter anymore, which is a key element to good flow. I have a few poems, some not on here, which are written in some meters. Most commonly, I use an iambic tetrameter. Rhythmic poems tend to have good flow, between lines and between stanzas.