Post by Elisha on Mar 12, 2004 13:56:20 GMT -5
I suppose growing up wasn’t so bad for me. I know plenty of people who had it much worse. In fact, I grew up with people who had it much worse. I live with both my parents, and even though we’re not what anyone would call rich (or even middle class for that matter) we’ve always had a place to stay, and we were never abused in any way. At least not by the adults, the kids abused each other regularly. When we were younger my dad had to work out of town a lot and my mom went to business school. My parents and two aunts were living with my Nanny at the time, and most of my childhood memories are of them and that house. It may have been crowded, but us kids had it made. My aunt Nina had four girls, my aunt Sharon had four girls and a boy, and my mom had three girls, so there was always someone my age to talk to (or argue with)
Just try and imagine twelve kids living in one house. I’ll say this much, when you live with eleven other girls you learn how to fight. After my mom finished school, she got a job as a bookkeeper in Ft. Worth, and my dad got a job closer to home. We moved out of my nanny’s house, but we still lived in the same neighborhood so my sisters and I could go back to Nanny’s after school while waiting on our parents to come home. I never had problems with bullies in school; I was pretty mature for my age, and quiet. I stayed out of the way, and if someone got in my way, I dealt with it. I guess I grew up faster than a lot of kids my age, probably because of the way I was raised.
I was fully developed by the sixth grade, and I had read more books by the time I was ten than most people do in their entire lives. Imagine the effect of stories like Night and A Tale of Two Cities on a fourth grader. If I had been left home alone more, I probably would have turned out to be much worse than I am. Lack of adult supervision tends to do that to children. As it was, there were so many kids around the grownups pretty much left us alone to our own devices. I wonder what they would have done if they knew everything that went on while they weren’t looking. Growing up wasn’t easy for me, life never is. But it wasn’t exactly hard either. If I had my childhood to do all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing, because the people we are now were created by the people we used to be. The future is born from past experiences. Every childhood memory I have makes me who I am today, and I wouldn’t trade a single one of them for the world.
I read a quote about fear a long time ago, and I don’t remember who said it, but it has always stuck with me. “Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.” Fear nothing. I think that’s the only way to be. This summer, I lost the person I admired most in the world. My cousin Brandy was twenty-one years old and everything I wanted to be. Our families lived together most of my life, but she had a much harder time growing up than I did. Nothing was ever handed to Brandy. Her whole childhood was spent taking care of herself and her family. Brandy worked hard for everything she ever had. She saw more things in this world than any child should have to deal with, but I don’t remember her ever complaining. That’s just not the way she was. Brandy was a fighter, not a whiner. She finished school a year early, and when she was eighteen she married her boyfriend, Chris. She was the only one in her family that was actually trying to go somewhere, and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she would get there. Brandy was our angel. That’s all there is to it. She was the sunniest person I’ve ever met. When Brandy walked into a room it was like nobody could be unhappy. It just was just impossible to look at that girl and still feel down. She was more alive than anyone I knew, and I was a better person just being around her. We all were. Everyone who met her fell in love instantly. The world didn’t deserve a girl like Brandy. Maybe that’s the reason we couldn’t keep her. One night, out of the blue, Brandy went to bed and never woke up. That’s all there is to it. It was like she was perfectly fine and then, nothing. The doctors couldn’t even give us a reason. She simply died, without cause or warning. I was going to be just like her, but now, instead of following in her footsteps I’m going to have to walk them myself. I know it will be hard, but I’m sure I can do it because I believe I can. A person is only as much as they believe they are. I believed in Brandy, I believed she was going to make it in life. How were we to know she would never get the chance? I keep telling myself I’m only sixteen and I have all the time in the world, but Brandy made me realize that isn’t true. Time is running out fast, and sometimes I’m afraid to go to sleep for fear that I might miss something, that I might never wake up. Brandy was more alive then I’ll ever be, and if she can die then so can everyone else I love. It’s stupid not to plan for death, because it’s the one thing that is definitely going to happen. You can’t hide from fate, it’s going to come whether you’re expecting it or not. I learned that this summer. There’s usually no way of knowing when you will die, but you can do everything in your power to make the time that you do have count. What you do defines who you are, and it takes some people their whole life to figure that out. I’m glad I learned that before it’s too late. I just wish everybody else could realize the same thing, because the world would be so much better off if people would actually start living and not get so wrapped up in all of the stupid problems they create for themselves. I know that will never happen, people love being miserable too much to let it go. But wishing never hurts. In fact, sometimes a wish is all it takes to get your life on track. It’s getting caught up in the wishing and forgetting to live that we have to worry about.
Just try and imagine twelve kids living in one house. I’ll say this much, when you live with eleven other girls you learn how to fight. After my mom finished school, she got a job as a bookkeeper in Ft. Worth, and my dad got a job closer to home. We moved out of my nanny’s house, but we still lived in the same neighborhood so my sisters and I could go back to Nanny’s after school while waiting on our parents to come home. I never had problems with bullies in school; I was pretty mature for my age, and quiet. I stayed out of the way, and if someone got in my way, I dealt with it. I guess I grew up faster than a lot of kids my age, probably because of the way I was raised.
I was fully developed by the sixth grade, and I had read more books by the time I was ten than most people do in their entire lives. Imagine the effect of stories like Night and A Tale of Two Cities on a fourth grader. If I had been left home alone more, I probably would have turned out to be much worse than I am. Lack of adult supervision tends to do that to children. As it was, there were so many kids around the grownups pretty much left us alone to our own devices. I wonder what they would have done if they knew everything that went on while they weren’t looking. Growing up wasn’t easy for me, life never is. But it wasn’t exactly hard either. If I had my childhood to do all over again, I wouldn’t change a thing, because the people we are now were created by the people we used to be. The future is born from past experiences. Every childhood memory I have makes me who I am today, and I wouldn’t trade a single one of them for the world.
I read a quote about fear a long time ago, and I don’t remember who said it, but it has always stuck with me. “Nothing real can be threatened, nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the peace of God.” Fear nothing. I think that’s the only way to be. This summer, I lost the person I admired most in the world. My cousin Brandy was twenty-one years old and everything I wanted to be. Our families lived together most of my life, but she had a much harder time growing up than I did. Nothing was ever handed to Brandy. Her whole childhood was spent taking care of herself and her family. Brandy worked hard for everything she ever had. She saw more things in this world than any child should have to deal with, but I don’t remember her ever complaining. That’s just not the way she was. Brandy was a fighter, not a whiner. She finished school a year early, and when she was eighteen she married her boyfriend, Chris. She was the only one in her family that was actually trying to go somewhere, and there was no doubt in anyone’s mind that she would get there. Brandy was our angel. That’s all there is to it. She was the sunniest person I’ve ever met. When Brandy walked into a room it was like nobody could be unhappy. It just was just impossible to look at that girl and still feel down. She was more alive than anyone I knew, and I was a better person just being around her. We all were. Everyone who met her fell in love instantly. The world didn’t deserve a girl like Brandy. Maybe that’s the reason we couldn’t keep her. One night, out of the blue, Brandy went to bed and never woke up. That’s all there is to it. It was like she was perfectly fine and then, nothing. The doctors couldn’t even give us a reason. She simply died, without cause or warning. I was going to be just like her, but now, instead of following in her footsteps I’m going to have to walk them myself. I know it will be hard, but I’m sure I can do it because I believe I can. A person is only as much as they believe they are. I believed in Brandy, I believed she was going to make it in life. How were we to know she would never get the chance? I keep telling myself I’m only sixteen and I have all the time in the world, but Brandy made me realize that isn’t true. Time is running out fast, and sometimes I’m afraid to go to sleep for fear that I might miss something, that I might never wake up. Brandy was more alive then I’ll ever be, and if she can die then so can everyone else I love. It’s stupid not to plan for death, because it’s the one thing that is definitely going to happen. You can’t hide from fate, it’s going to come whether you’re expecting it or not. I learned that this summer. There’s usually no way of knowing when you will die, but you can do everything in your power to make the time that you do have count. What you do defines who you are, and it takes some people their whole life to figure that out. I’m glad I learned that before it’s too late. I just wish everybody else could realize the same thing, because the world would be so much better off if people would actually start living and not get so wrapped up in all of the stupid problems they create for themselves. I know that will never happen, people love being miserable too much to let it go. But wishing never hurts. In fact, sometimes a wish is all it takes to get your life on track. It’s getting caught up in the wishing and forgetting to live that we have to worry about.