Post by unburntflame on Aug 25, 2003 0:45:35 GMT -5
I apologise in advance for anyone who might take offence to this poem, but if you let the words create images and visuals in your head, I think that you will find that it is quite a good laugh. Please no-one be angry with me!! (Those of you who know me know I'm absolutely crazy when I'm happy! )
-----
One day before Christmas, when Santa was working
he caught Austin Powers in his duties shirking
Santa grew angry, and pulled Austin in,
the office door slammed and beat him
Austin entreatied, begged and pleaded
Santa grew soft, knewing he'd mean it
A gentle cuff around Austin's ear
Santa knew he'd never see him again here
Austin milked Santa for all he was worth
but wouldn't hang round for the sun to give birth
Under the guise that "he might be caught there"
he blew Santa a kiss and ran down the stair
Then Pepsi arrived, in oh! -such a flutter
and gave off the impression of being quite a nutter
The snow had melted in the wake of Fat Bastard
but Austin's pig's orgasm couldn't have lasted
Christmas came and went, leaving poor Pepsi dizzy
and Santa wasn't used to not being busy
So he bought himself a wife from eBay, on the net
with something new to satisfy he had no need for a pet
Mrs Claws was neat, a rather organised chap
she used her charms and played Santa through his map
When Christmas came, and Santa was gone
a brand new addition to the family was born
New Years Eve that year, when baby was older
Santa grew curious, and much, much bolder
He asked Mrs Claws "from whence baby came?"
she gave the reply "Why dear, of course from the rain!"
Santa, however was not satisfied
somehow he knew that Mrs Claws had lied
So he sniffed around, and noticed that baby
had antlers and fur, and I don't mean maybe!
Mrs Claws got worried, as Santa grew silent
thinking that maybe, he might become violent
But no such thing came, Santa remained still
Mrs Claws wishing she'd taken her pill
Eventually Santa rose from his chair
you could tell he was static by the look of his hair
His booming voice echoed around the small room
the decibels penetrated the darkening gloom
"Mrs Claws!" he bellowed, "you'll tell me the truth!"
"Is this child mine or did he fall from the roof?"
Timidly Mrs Claws voiced her reply:
"He's not yours dear, he dropped from the sky"
"Right then," said Santa, clearing his throat
and he strode outside, to feed his pet goat
"Animals understand me, I've no doubt about that"
he waved goodbye to the Pole, and walking away, tipped his hat
This meant sadness for children across the land
no-one to give presents, no-one to hold hands
Not once did he look back, not once had he cried
and from that day forward, Santa had died.
-----
One day before Christmas, when Santa was working
he caught Austin Powers in his duties shirking
Santa grew angry, and pulled Austin in,
the office door slammed and beat him
Austin entreatied, begged and pleaded
Santa grew soft, knewing he'd mean it
A gentle cuff around Austin's ear
Santa knew he'd never see him again here
Austin milked Santa for all he was worth
but wouldn't hang round for the sun to give birth
Under the guise that "he might be caught there"
he blew Santa a kiss and ran down the stair
Then Pepsi arrived, in oh! -such a flutter
and gave off the impression of being quite a nutter
The snow had melted in the wake of Fat Bastard
but Austin's pig's orgasm couldn't have lasted
Christmas came and went, leaving poor Pepsi dizzy
and Santa wasn't used to not being busy
So he bought himself a wife from eBay, on the net
with something new to satisfy he had no need for a pet
Mrs Claws was neat, a rather organised chap
she used her charms and played Santa through his map
When Christmas came, and Santa was gone
a brand new addition to the family was born
New Years Eve that year, when baby was older
Santa grew curious, and much, much bolder
He asked Mrs Claws "from whence baby came?"
she gave the reply "Why dear, of course from the rain!"
Santa, however was not satisfied
somehow he knew that Mrs Claws had lied
So he sniffed around, and noticed that baby
had antlers and fur, and I don't mean maybe!
Mrs Claws got worried, as Santa grew silent
thinking that maybe, he might become violent
But no such thing came, Santa remained still
Mrs Claws wishing she'd taken her pill
Eventually Santa rose from his chair
you could tell he was static by the look of his hair
His booming voice echoed around the small room
the decibels penetrated the darkening gloom
"Mrs Claws!" he bellowed, "you'll tell me the truth!"
"Is this child mine or did he fall from the roof?"
Timidly Mrs Claws voiced her reply:
"He's not yours dear, he dropped from the sky"
"Right then," said Santa, clearing his throat
and he strode outside, to feed his pet goat
"Animals understand me, I've no doubt about that"
he waved goodbye to the Pole, and walking away, tipped his hat
This meant sadness for children across the land
no-one to give presents, no-one to hold hands
Not once did he look back, not once had he cried
and from that day forward, Santa had died.
